Friday, February 17, 2006

Professional football has become the dullest thing in the world. It is so cliché ridden and characterless and sterile and just… dull.

Eating my tea today, my Dad insisted on having the radio on. On Radio Football, or Five Live, Or The Boring Gay Football Station, or whatever it’s called. They were discussing Gary Neville, and his celebration of a goal, by going to the other teams fans and cheering. They discussed this for OVER AN HOUR, or at least it seemed that long. I was literally eating my own arse I was so bored. Seriously, I was so bored I was considering going back in time and shooting the man who founded Sony, so that my Dad’s stereo would never get made. No but seriously now, I was considering just ending it all with some sort of massacre.

Gary Neville cheering at the opposing fans and kissing his badge. Hours of discussion. GRRR, MOTHER. This is the kind of thing which should be happening hundreds of times a game, like a film. Every football match should be like that football film with Sly Stallone and Pele in it. The one where Pele kicked a ball at a German man’s head and his head came off or something (may not have happened) What was it called? The Hurricanes? Yeah well, whatever it was, it was fun and exciting. And it didn’t cost 8000 euros and your firstborn’s life to get a ticket either. What happened in it again? They were about 48-0 down with 4 minutes left on the clock, then Jimmy Grimble comes on and scores 47 goals in two minutes before having a confidence lull because his special boots were burned by a passing wizard. Then with 10 seconds left he realizes it’s not his special boots that were eaten by a escaped boar that scored him them goals after all, but the memory of his Dad’s raping of him when he was younger. What were we talking about again?
Anyway, football is rubbish and dull and gay.

posted by Dogmonkey @ 12:57 am

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