Friday, February 17, 2006

Let's DISRESPEC' football! Or footgay as I call it! Haha! (Gayball? Gayballs?)

Penis!

Football though, let's take a balanced look at it.

Good things about football:
Players bend over while they are 'warming up' - good for the gays
Aggravated group rape on women
Jason Lee - pineapple head ROFMON
Referees getting pushed over every 50 years or so

Bad things about football:
Every single person involved in football has an IQ less than 70.

Typical football conversation:

"It was a game of two halves."
"Liquid football."
"[Cliche #43]"
"At the end of the day, that's something open to debate."
"Did you just say masturbate? Do you want to masturbate me?"
"No I didn't, but OK then."
"Let's be gay!"

You know the commentary you get on games like Pro Evo or FIFA? That's actually less cliche ridden and less repetitive than real life commentary.

No but really now, what was that cartoon with the football team who were always seven nil down at half time, and during the match they always had to save the world ("I don't CARE how much DANGER the whole WORLD is in, we aren't STOPPING this MATCH!"), usually at the same time. And there was that black guy who never wore boots. Scored about 3 goals in every match yet they still didn't buy the poor guy a pair of boots. What was his name again? I can't remember his name, let's call him Pedro. Well they were all like "Hey Pedro, what's that, your feet are in immense pain due to you not wearing boots? Yeah whatever, get back to the stables!" That line may or may not have been in the cartoon. What was I talking about again? Yeah well anyway, my point is, they were all like "Hey Pedro, would you like to join us at the table for this team meal? We'd really like you to join us...NOT!" And then they'd all throw the fat from their pork chops at him and he'd be on all fours and have to eat it.

No, but if football was like that in real life it'd be more interesting. "Hey Joe Cole, we're taking you off, the opposing teams manager is driving a explosives packed train towards the school! Never mind that there's no train tracks anywhere near the school, STOP THAT TRAIN!" And then they'd film it, and intersperse it with the football when it got dull. Which is pretty much always. Yeah, they should just film various football players solving crimes using words of no more than two syllables by kicking footballs at things. Soccer Kid solved his problems that way, why not real life players? Yeah, forget the football. Well, maybe a penalty shootout over the credits.

posted by Dogmonkey @ 12:59 am

1 Comments:

At 12:43 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

'The Hurricanes'

 

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